Society seems to have constructed a doctrine of “inaccurate conceptions” when it comes to marriage. For example, one of the scenes in the hit movie “Out of Africa” depicts the two leading actors Robert Redford and Meryl Streep sitting on the beach talking. She wants him to marry her. Redford’s response is: “Do you think I’ll love you more because of a piece of paper?” That’s a view of marriage that has become increasingly prevalent. But that comment from the movie completely misses the point of a marriage covenant. Such a covenant never claims to regulate love’s intensity but only its security.
It’s not the only misconception about marriage that has been gaining ground today. Ironically, when much of the media seeks to portray marriage as an outmoded institution, there is now intense lobbying for gay couples to be able to marry. However, in the run-up to National Marriage Week, the Archbishop of York, John Sentamu, gave a timely warning that marriage is a God-given creation, not something for Governments to redefine. In other words, marriage is not a social invention which we can unmake, remake and adapt as we see fit any more than we can change the seasons or the revolving of the planets.
A third misconception of marriage is that it is not the secret to happiness in life. Marriage is made up of both happy and unhappy experiences. The notion that it should always be an idealistically happy experience only fosters the temptation to throw in the towel when unhappy periods come along. I love the cartoon of Andy Capp where the Vicar spots Flo storming out of the house with her suitcase. So he says, “Remember your vows, Flo”. She says, “Hah! I took him for better or worse – he took me for everything”. Of course, marriages never start out that way. They always begin with the best of intentions and with starry-eyed expectations of living happily ever after. And then when reality hits, there dawns the realisation that marriages take perseverance and there are times of real struggle. Marriage is hard work – at least some of the time.
