Juli Wilson has revealed her heartache over the death of her husband, pastor Jarrid Wilson, by suicide earlier this week.
On Instagram, she shared a clip of her husband playing with their young son at his baseball practice that was filmed just hours before he took his own life.
"Can't sleep, so I'm watching this video over and over again," she said.
"I took this on Monday evening around 7:30 pm at our son's baseball practice. By 11:45 that night, my sweet husband was in the presence of Jesus."
She went on to pay tribute to Jarrid as a husband and father, and said that she and their two sons, Denham and Finch, were missing him "so much".
"I love you, jarrid. I miss you beyond what my heart can stand. Thank you for loving our boys and I with the greatest passion and selflessness I've ever seen or felt in my entire life [sic]," she said.
"I'd do anything for a hug from you right now. I keep hearing on repeat what you told me all day every single day, 'gosh I frieking (how he always spelled it) love you.'
"Longing to be with you, longing to make you proud. The boys and I miss you so much. I frieking love you too. So much more than you could ever know. Wish I could tell you that right now. We all do."
Jarrid's suicide has shocked the Christian community, coming one day before World Suicide Prevention Day.
He had been a dedicated campaigner on suicide prevention and mental health awareness, having co-founded Anthem of Hope, a ministry offering support to people struggling with suicidal thoughts, with his wife.
On Monday, hours before his death, he tweeted his followers to ask for prayers as he prepared to officiate at the funeral of a woman who had taken her own life.
"Officiating a funeral for a Jesus-loving woman who took her own life today. Your prayers are greatly appreciated for the family," he tweeted.
Also on Monday, Wilson had sent out a number of tweets relating to suicide, including one in which he said that while Jesus didn't always cure suicidal thoughts, He always offered "companionship and comfort".
"Loving Jesus doesn't always cure suicidal thoughts," he tweeted.
"Loving Jesus doesn't always cure PTSD. Loving Jesus doesn't always cure anxiety. But that doesn't mean Jesus doesn't offer us companionship and comfort. He ALWAYS does that."
If you or anyone you know is struggling with depression or suicidal thoughts, visit National Suicide Prevention Lifeline (USA) or National Suicide Prevention Alliance (UK).
