Every couple faces conflict in their relationship at one point or another. With this is mind, Dr. Richard A. Fowler, head of the counseling division of Hope For The Heart, said people shouldn't worry whenever they come into a disagreement with their spouses.
Fowler wrote for The Christian Post that conflict is not necessarily a bad thing since it can be a powerful tool for strengthening relationships and solving problem.
Whenever couples face conflict, Fowler said they should not try to avoid it but embrace it instead from a biblical perspective. "By God's grace, it's possible to be angry and resolve conflict without sinning," he said. "A good rule of thumb is that you will not like everything about everyone. In fact, 15 percent of who your spouse, boss or best friend is will be unfavourable to you. The opposite is also true!"
He said people should remember the Bible verse 1 Peter 4:8. It reads, "Love covers over a multitude of sins."
It's true that managing conflict is a learning curve that requires commitment, emotional maturity, and experience. But when people learn how to appreciate, understand and accept each other's points of view, they will be better in dealing with issues, he said.
Conflict can bring high energy and stress. Thus, Fowler suggested that people cool off first before having a discussion. Raised voices should be lowered, and people should also stick to the subject at hand.
"If the other individual starts to bring up something else, say 'If you want to talk about [something], we can do that after we come to a conclusion about this issue," he said.
At the same time, couples should resist making personal insults and "character assassinations." "Keep the conflict focused on the issues, not on personalities," he said.
And best of all, Fowler said couples should confront issues to heal, not to win. "Express real feelings; avoid intellectualising. Conflict resolution is not a philosophical exchange of ideas," he said. "Demonstrate unconditional love and affirmation, but avoid patronising."
