Emotional manipulation is a serious issue even among Christians, and it's something that's happening in homes, schools, workplaces, and even in the church.
Jennifer LeClaire writes for Charisma News that there are several ways to spot an emotional manipulator. They give ultimatums, give others the silent treatment, play the victim, make others walk on eggshells, make people feel guilty, twist people's words, and play around with the facts.
"Often, emotional manipulators create soul ties with their victims by finding their weaknesses and ministering to their needs before they start making demands. It can be difficult to cut loose. Other times, as in marriages, you can't always cut loose," she says.
In order to help the victims of emotional manipulators, LeClaire offers six tips on how Christians could deal with them:
1. Repent.
"Ask God to forgive you for coming under a false authority. Yes, we are called to walk in love and prefer one another, but that doesn't mean we have to allow someone to make us emotional slaves," she says. "There's a difference. For freedom, Christ set us free."
2. Forgive yourself.
Once people start realising that they have been manipulated, they might get angry with themselves or feel "dumb" for falling into the emotional manipulator's trap. But LeClaire says it is important to forgive oneself and realise that it can happen to anyone.
"You've got a kind, loving heart, and you believed the best. Just learn a lesson and stop the abuse," she says.
3. Learn to offer a diplomatic "no."
Emotional manipulators are not used to being said "no" to. Hence, they will feel angry if their victims suddenly "stop catering to their every need." LeClaire says it's important to stick to one's guns. People don't have to be mean-spirited in doing so, and just give a polite and firm "no."
4. Ask push-back questions like: "Does this seem reasonable to you?"; "Are you really expecting me to do this for you?"; and "Do I get to have an opinion here?"
When push-back questions are used, emotional manipulators are likely to back down. There will be times, however, when they will still argue their case. LeClaire suggests that people simply don't argue back.
5. Deploy a time buffer.
"When the manipulator asks you to do something for them that's unreasonable, use these four words: 'I'll think about it,'" shares LeClaire. "This is less dramatic than saying no and can help you avoid the manipulator's wrath."
6. Confront the manipulator.
Lastly, confronting the manipulator might appear very daunting, but Christians need to be reminded that God gave them a spirit of love and power. "Just like a bully on the playground, emotional manipulators sometimes need to be confronted," says LeClaire. "If you hope to save the relationship, the manipulator needs to be made aware of his tactics and given a space to repent."
