Marriage is greatly beneficial to all people when it is done right. Having a spouse not only provides companionship and emotional support, but it also provides believers with a very honest faith thermometer.
Proverbs 27:17 says, "As iron sharpens iron, so one person sharpens another." This is the same with your spouse, whether you like it or not. What are the character traits that we can gauge with the help of our marriage? Galatians 5 gives us a list: "But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, forbearance, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control." (Gal. 5:22-23)
Love
How's your love for your spouse? Are you willing to lay down your life for him/her, just like Jesus said in John 15:12-14? "My command is this: Love each other as I have loved you. Greater love has no one than this: to lay down one's life for one's friends. You are my friends if you do what I command."
Joy
What a joy it must have been for you to marry your spouse, a joy that was greatly felt and seen during the wedding ceremony. How about now?
When the daily grind slowly drains a person, the spouse often tends to be neglected, you feel too tired to make the effort that once came naturally, and the joy of being with a person just isn't there. In fact, you find yourself getting irritated with them and noticing all kinds of faults. Do you still have joy in spending time with your spouse and appreciating the big and the small of who they are?
Peace
The Bible tells us that we should strive for peace with all men (see Romans 12:17-19). As a married person, the first person you need to be at peace with is your very own spouse. Are you taking revenge on each other every time an offense is made, or do you strive for peace and reconciliation?
Forbearance
Forbearance, or patience, is a virtue. Couples often get into unnecessary arguments when one does not exercise patience over the other. God was patient with us, and we should be patient with our spouses too. You will find yourself many times wanting to say all kinds of things, but one of the hardest lessons is to hold your tongue and let grudges go.
Kindness
Of all the people we should be kind to, our spouses deserve the utmost kindness we can offer. Job says that withholding kindness from your friend, more if it's your spouse, "forsakes the fear of the Almighty."(Job 6:14) Trust me, if you are showing kindness to others and then being cold or rude to your spouse when no one's looking, they will be noticing and it will be hurting them, deeply. Give the best of yourself to your spouse, not the person you want to impress at work.
Goodness
What is your desire for or towards your spouse? God's plans are for our good (see Jeremiah 29:11), but how about ours? Are we seeking the good of our spouses, or just for ourselves? Be intentional about the good you can do for them and enable them to do. Have good intentions towards them and pray for good things to come their way.
Faithfulness
We need to be faithful to our spouses in different areas, not just in the area of purity. It also includes our faithfulness to fulfill our vows, among others. And importantly, we need to be faithful with our eyes. Again, it comes down to reserving the best part of yourself for your spouse and keeping them first place after the Lord. Giving your heart and vows isn't a one-time event on your wedding day, it's a commitment you've got to renew every single day.
Gentleness
How do you treat your spouse? Gentleness and self-control go hand in hand in dealing with your spouse's shortcomings. Remember, "Do to others as you would have them do to you." (Luke 6:31). We can so often be charming to others but speak carelessly or even rudely to our spouses in a way we wouldn't dream of speaking to our boss at work or the person sitting next to us in church. If you wouldn't speak to a colleague or a friend or a stranger that way, then why speak to your spouse that way?
Self-control
How do you stand up to temptation when your spouse isn't around? How about when he/she offends you? Self-control isn't just about resisting the temptation to be unfaithful or lust after another person. It's also about you stopping yourself from treating your spouse harshly, or doing things that you should otherwise not be doing towards or against them. It's about walking in the Spirit and behaving in a Godly way at all times, even when the world might be saying 'you don't need to do that' or 'that's old-fashioned.' Our actions and our words are a choice, so choose to say and do to your spouse as you would say and do to the Lord.
