75 Thoughts You Have At A Carol Service

Ahhh the annual Christmas carol service.
It's Christmas!
I can't believe it's Christmas already.
I must think about buying some presents.
But first, to celebrate with the body of Christ.
Oh man, I forgot to invite any non-Christians.
"It's the easiest invite of the year," they said.
"You'll never get a better opportunity to introduce someone to the gospel!"
Denise from down the road always invites our entire street.
I am an evangelism failure.
Still, after last year's débâcle I'm surprised anyone's planning to turn up this year.
I warned them not to give out free mulled wine.
It made for a very dramatic reading.
Still, maybe people thought Ron was supposed to fall over at the end of it.
His sick was an alarming colour though.
I heard they've chosen Teetotal Terry for the reading this year.
Wise.
I wonder whether they'll put up those flashing reindeers again?
Oh it looks so festive.
Fairy lights! In the trees!
I wonder if anyone's noticed Lawrence is still up the tree.
Without a ladder.
Ah well, I'm sure he'll make his own way down.
He has been talking about Bear Grylls a lot lately.
And he was very disappointed when there was no celebrity appearance at Alpha.
I think it might have been the only reason he was so keen to host a table.
Now, how to make it look like I've brought some friends?
I'm just going to walk very closely to these people.
They look like non-Christians.
Ideal.
Ah, shuffled too close.
Got some uncomfortable looks.
But I think I might have got away with it.
I'd even go so far as to say I got some admiring glances.
Take that, Denise.
Oh no.
Where have they gone?
I need to sit near them.
Got to keep up appearances.
Ah, spotted them.
By the mince pies.
I really hope they've gone for ones from Waitrose.
We'll never convince people of the Good News if all we offer them is Lidl's own.
These look suspiciously homemade, actually.
I do hope Maude hasn't been anywhere near these.
Not after last time.
I'd never tried mince pies with actual beef mince before.
It's not an experience I'm desperate to repeat.
Ooh, the service is starting.
It's so dark in here.
I'll never find those non-Chrissos.
I'll have to just loiter near them in the pub afterwards.
That should do it.
Right, what carols are we doing this year?
Oh no.
Oh Holy Night.
We butcher it every time.
Always sung in a key that somehow neither man, woman nor child can reach.
And then it's O Come All Ye Faithful.
Looking forward to Brenda's attempt at a descant already.
A highlight every year.
Why is the vicar dressed as a storm-trooper?
This is going to be another one of his off-piste sermon illustrations, isn't it?
Oh good. A re-imagining of the nativity set in space.
Obviously.
I think he's been reading Relevant again.
Oh good, the reading is next.
Wait, why is Ron getting up?
No, Ron. Not again.
He looks unsteady on his feet.
Where's Terry?
TERRY.
Terry's ill. Ron's stepping up to the plate.
Ah well, it's an unorthodox tradition, but we'll take it.
He's looking a bit green, isn't he?

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75 Thoughts You Have At A Carol Service

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