Loving our spouses takes more than just saying "I do" at the wedding altar. It takes more than just saving money for that beautiful wedding ring and that extravagant wedding ceremony. It also takes more than just getting a beautiful house in a nice community, complete with a lovely garden and a nice car in the garage..
Yes, it takes more than all those things. In fact, some of these things aren't even that important compared to what we should all be focusing on: the marriage itself.
To help you love your spouse even better, you'll need to focus on the right stuff. Here are some ways you can love your spouse better.
1. Focus on honest and meaningful communication
In a relationship, communication is very important. Can you imagine living the rest of your life without having any honest, meaningful and loving conversations with your spouse? No, I surely can't imagine my marriage like that.
When you do communicate, loving and honest conversations have to be there. Marriages have to be built on the foundation of truth and love. Thus honesty, communicated lovingly, has to be present in every conversation. The Bible says we are to speak the truth in love (see Ephesians 4:15).
2. Focus on taking responsibility for your wrongs
Marriages that have the best relationships between husbands and wives don't have sinless spouses because there's no such thing (see Romans 3:23). However, there's such a thing as a responsible spouse.
We can love our spouses more when we choose to take responsibility for our mistakes, sins and failures. Sure, all of us may have listed "hurt my spouse" in our "not-to-do" lists, but we all have to realise that we'll hurt them either intentionally or unintentionally. What matters is how we take the fall and rise from it.
I've learned that in marriage, I always have to admit my sins and failures, first to God and then to my wife. Only then can I truly be forgiven, and acquire the grace and mercy needed to make things right and be able to do what is right the next time around (see 1 John 1:9). Your spouse, though hurt at first, will greatly appreciate your honesty and being responsible.
3. Focus on your spouse's good points
Yes, we all have bad points, but it surely wouldn't help if we focus on them, right? Instead of focusing on how your spouse got fat or how they made a mess in their job or in the kitchen or garage, choose to focus on their good and praiseworthy points. Think about how good your wife is at cooking. Think about how good your husband is for eating the food you cooked. You'll be able to spot some characteristics that you'll be thankful for.
Paul tells us in Philippians 4:8, "Finally, brethren, whatever things are true, whatever things are noble, whatever things are just, whatever things are pure, whatever things are lovely, whatever things are of good report, if there is any virtue and if there is anything praiseworthy—meditate on these things."
We should learn to apply this verse in our marriages, too.
This doesn't mean turning a blind eye to your spouse. Rather, it simply means helping them to become better people, outgrowing the things they don't like about themselves by the grace of God.
