Have you ever found yourself at a crossroads, overwhelmed by the crisis of the choices you have to make? Or perhaps even worse, there are no crossroads, no clear options ahead that you can see. Weighty expectations are laid upon you, compounded by the perceived success of your peers and the desperate fight for your own sense of self worth.
If this is you, you may be in your twenties. A time which, perhaps now more than ever, is actually really tough.
University leavers today face debt that towers to absurd levels, looming over your life in judgement of your meagre finances. Some console themselves with the fact that they will never be able to pay back their debt, which is really not that consoling when you think about it. If you're still at University, you face pressure to simultaneously study hard, find yourself, invest in your future career, and go wild with what are apparently 'the best years of your life' before you graduate.
Once you've left, your friends will likely scatter to the far ends of the earth while you confront yourself with simple, harmless questions like 'Who am I?', 'What is the purpose of my life?' and 'Why is adult life so strange, lonely and intimidating?'
If you're in your twenties and this all sounds like over-dramatic nonsense, or privileged, self-entitled millennial moaning, because you experience none of these feelings, then congratulations! If you're quite content with yourself and the world, then that is genuinely wonderful, and you should enjoy that.
Others though, who look back on their young adulthood or reflect on it now, I know do feel this way, at least from time to time. So what do you do when that happens? How do you counsel despair? How do you find light when you stand in the proverbial abyss?
At a training day I once heard someone give some incredibly simple, but deeply wise advice for the future, for navigating life in the trial of your twenties and beyond. This man, Duncan, who appropriately worked for a charity called 'The Navigators' said there were two questions you should ask yourself. The first was this:
"How will you feel alright about yourself?"
Who will you see when you look in the mirror? You will, as life goes on, increasingly run up against your own imperfections and limitations – how will you deal with that? What will success, or failure, do to you? The man quoted a professional trainer of business executives, who said that "If you can convince people that they are intrinsically valuable, then they can avoid being emotionally flooded by criticism." Duncan then made the connection: Jesus gives freely to human beings what high flying executives would pay thousands for.
The profundity of this can not be overestimated. We may be the selfie generation, but how many critics consider that that perpetual inward glance is not one of vanity, but of deep insecurity, and a longing for self-worth? Everyone, whether in their twenties or not, needs a sense of identity that goes beyond mere attributes or achievements. Everyone wants to believe that they might be loved and valued even if they fail catastrophically. It's not cheap to say that Jesus gives that in abundance. As Duncan asked us, "How will you enjoy your great value in God's eyes?" That question may, and probably should, take a lifetime to truly answer.
The second question was this:
"How much will you invest in friendships?"
Let me say that the depth of this question cannot be overestimated. True friendship, which goes beyond Facebook connections and Twitter followers, is worth more than gold.
Who can you trust enough to be vulnerable with? Who will make time for you, and listen to you? Who values truth, and is willing to tell the truth to you even if it might be hard to hear? Human beings were made for community, but the pressures of work and that warping effect of social media can make true community, and the peace and joy that flows from it, hard to find.
Suffice to say, everybody needs friends. Human beings are made for deep connection, not superficial contacts. Yes, real friendship takes effort and investment, but when was the last time you found something truly precious that didn't cost anything?
Another way to live
Those are two prescient questions I believe to be of profound value. Life in your twenties is hard. Life as a teenager, or when you're middle-aged and married, or middle-aged and unmarried, or retired, is hard too. We never know what's coming next, and its easy to forget who we are and why we're here amidst the trials of growing up in the world. But there are ways to weather those storms. There are ways to live that mean we don't just endure, but actually grow. Change can be beautiful, though it may be scary too.
