Shame often closes doors and destroys relationships. A little blunder here, a huge irreversible mistake there – both are things we're ashamed of, and often scared to admit. But what if it's a truth that needs to be made known, especially to our loved ones?
The Truth That Sets Us Free
There are times when we feel scared to tell the truth to someone we love, especially our spouses. We fear admitting our sins to them because it might hurt them, and it surely will. We hesitate to tell them the truth, even if it's just an opinion and not a sin, simply because we don't want to upset them. To be honest, we end up hurting them all the more.
It's much better to tell our loved ones the truth that they need to know even if it hurts. The Bible tells us that God hates a lying tongue, and commands that we speak the truth in love (see Proverbs 6:17; Ephesians 4:15).
The truth, even if it might hurt, will benefit us greatly. The Lord Jesus said "the truth will set you free" (John 8:32).
Hiding or concealing the truth for fear of hurting our loved ones is actually the same as lying to them, with an added weight. Not only do we lie by concealing the truth, we also give our loved ones a reason not to trust us anymore. When trust is broken, it's hard to regain.
The longer we deliberately hide the necessary truth from our loved ones who need to know, the longer we prolong our own guilt and add more weight to the hurt they will feel.
How to Tell the Truth in Love
OK, you've decided to admit the truth. How? Here's what you should do.
1. Pray Before Telling the Painful or Shameful Truth
Fear or shame often twists our tongues and cripples us from effectively communicating the truth. Before you talk to your spouse, sibling, parent, or any loved one to say the truth, you should pray.
Repent of your sin and pray to God for comfort and healing for you and your loved one. Ask Him to help you say what you need to say in peace. You might feel bad while talking, but be assured that telling the truth in love is God's will, and He will be pleased by it.
2. Focus on the Necessary and Relevant Information
Avoid spewing out all details that are unnecessary. When admitting to an illicit affair or breaking your spouse's favourite vase, you don't need to detail the weather around the vicinity, the colour of your shoes, and the food you ate last summer. Go straight to the point, avoiding the irrelevant details.
As a tip, you can review the situation by writing down what happened on a piece of paper (dispose of it afterwards). Focus on the necessary (even painful) details, while choosing to avoid the irrelevant ones. Be careful not to omit the more shameful but important details, though – it will change the story, and will mean that you're not honest, sincere, and repentant at all.
3. Reassure Them of Your Love
This should be done before and after the conversation. Before proceeding to the reveal, tell your loved one that you love them, but you need to admit something. After the painful reveal, tell them that you're sorry, and you would do the necessary steps to making it right. End by telling them that you love them, and will work hard to avoid doing wrong once more.
Keep in Mind
Remember to do this with repentance unto God and reconciliation with your loved ones in mind. Honesty is a very important factor in building trust. Admitting the truth might be painful for all parties involved, but it will definitely help improve your relationships with them.
