Achieving physical health is not gained by simply committing to practices and habits that help us stay healthy, but also by committing to avoid practices that do not help in keeping us healthy. For instance, committing to exercise won't help unless we make a decision to commit to avoiding certain unhealthy food.
Relational health, especially in marriage, is no different.
There are some things that marriages must commit to: seeking God first and making time for one another are two of them.
But there are also some unhealthy habits that we should stay away from.
Here are five unhealthy habits that couples must avoid to allow for their relationship to grow.
1. Blame-Throwing
Our human nature often trains us to quickly blame anyone but ourselves. That's what happened the first time the first couple in history had their first argument. When Adam and Eve sinned against God, the first response was to throw blame. Adam blamed Eve. Eve blamed a snake.
Healthy relationships are built on couples who are quick to humble themselves and admit their faults.
2. Unsettled Arguments
Ephesians 4:26 says, "Be angry and do not sin; do not let the sun go down on your anger."
This scripture never became more alive to me than after I got married. Arguments are best nipped in the bud. We don't have to wait for the thoughts, emotions and "what-ifs" to spread. Arguments are wildfires that must be extinguished before they flare out.
3. Toxic Relationships
Often, people build internal conflicts in a marriage involving friends and in-laws among others. When this happens, it's best to limit the boundaries of these relationships in an effort to protect the one relationship that should matter most: our relationship with our spouse.
4. Entitlement
Left to our own sinful flesh, we try to find reciprocity and justice in everything that we do. And while there is nothing wrong with reciprocity, a heart ruled by "what I deserve" can easily stray the wrong way. Left on our own, we don't deserve anything we have. But by God's grace He gives us the chance to enjoy a relationship with another human being.
Marriage is not a right, it's a privilege given by the grace of God.
5. Bad-Mouthing One Another
It's never been easier to bad-mouth your spouse. One tweet, one Facebook status, one coffee with a friend, and the next thing you know you're saying all the nasty things you have in mind about your spouse.
It is our primary job to protect the reputation of our spouse. While that doesn't mean we cover up the flaws of our spouse, it means we do our best to be objective and constructive when speaking to others about our spouse.
