Relating to our spouses is both challenging and rewarding. Challenging in the sense that we won't get it right all the time, and thus we need to master the art of communicating well to them. The effort in getting better at it is really rewarding though, and is absolutely worth it.
To help us get better in relating with our spouses, here are some things to remember.
1. Our spouses don't know what we are thinking
No matter how many years you spend together, it's a fact that your spouse will never accurately know what's on your mind. Thus, when we try to communicate to them, we should do it in a way that helps them to properly understand us.
The Bible tells us that only God is all-knowing, and that He is the only one who knows the words in our mouth before we even speak. Our spouses aren't like that, and thus it would be best to tell them what we mean in an honest and loving way. We should speak the truth in love (see Ephesians 4:15).
2. Our spouses perceive things differently compared to us
When we communicate with our spouses, it's best to keep in mind that we are different, and that we perceive things differently. We should make it our aim to help them understand us accurately.
One best word that describes how we should communicate to them is "empathy," or putting ourselves in their shoes. We should give some effort to thinking "how will my spouse perceive what I am going to talk about?"
The Bible tells us that when a man and a woman marry, "the two become one" (see Mark 10:8). This is a truth that we should all exercise not just in physical intimacy but also in the everyday things in our lives.
3. We should put our spouse ahead of us
Spouses often fight because they feel like their personal needs haven't been met by one another. Husbands want to be respected, and wives want to be loved and made to feel secure. When these needs aren't met, problems do ensue. However, when spouses demand to get their needs met first before they could show their love for their partner, that kind of marital relationship is bound to get a lot of headache.
The Bible tells us to submit to one another in reverence to Christ (see Ephesians 5:21-33). This means that we should put our spouse ahead of us. We should strive to meet our spouse's needs before meeting our own. When we do this, marriage gets better.
"But what if my spouse gets abusive and just meets their need before mine?" you might ask. The Bible tells us to love our spouses just the same. Wives are to submit to their husbands the same way the church submits to Christ, and husbands are to love their wives like Christ loved the church. We are to follow God's Word more than our spouses' requests, and even our own feelings.
