With the number of sexually-related problems in many marriages today, it just makes sense that we defend and protect our marriages as much as we can. Because the devil is always on the lookout for married men and women to tempt and marriages to destroy, we should give more importance to keeping our marriages safe.
For this article, we will talk about one common issue many newly-married men have: female friends we had while we were still single. Should we cut ties with them or not?
Let's talk about that.
When friendships have to be left behind
There comes a time when we will have to let go of certain friendships before we marry. Regardless of whether these friendships were good or not, these friendships have to make way for the most important human relationship a single man or woman will ever have: marriage.
God has designed marriage to be a relationship between only two people: a man and a woman. When a man pursues marriage, he is effectively declaring that he is willing to forsake all other relationships in exchange for his relationship with his wife-to-be. This is an unspoken truth that needs to be made known.
Marriage is so consuming that it would take a man's departure from his home - his father and mother and all the comforts they bring - to come and cleave to his wife. Genesis 2:24 tells us,
"Therefore a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and they shall become one flesh."
When old friends have to be left behind
Now we proceed to the heart of the question brought by this article's title. Should any Christian husband cut his ties with old female friends?
Whether you like it or not, I believe it's a "yes."
To help you understand why, here are some reasons why.
1) They will become a competition to your relationship with your spouse
Whether you admit it or not, any female friend from times past can pose as a competition to your affection or openness to your wife.
Old friends may be fun to be with, even helpful at times, but when it comes to a man's marriage any female friend can be a competition to his wife in the area of emotions, most especially if the husband used to have close relationships with them.
2) Your wife gets affected by your other relationships
Men, our wives may not be vocal about it, but they might feel insecure of our love because we still have other women in our lives besides them. We may not notice it, but our wives are affected by them.
Remember, guys, that our marriage is the top-most priority that we have in terms of human relationships. We must love our wives the way Christ loved the church: single-mindedly. (see Ephesians 5:25-33)
3) It's the wisest choice you can make
Dr. Doug Weiss, a nationally known author who has been counseling men and women for more than 30 years, says certain boundaries have to be set in order to protect the marriage from adultery. One such boundary is to never have friends of the opposite sex.
That might sound extreme, but try saying that after you've committed adultery with your wife because you kept communicating and being emotionally open with a woman who's "just a friend." You shouldn't give any room for the enemy to destroy your marriage!
Give your wife what is due
Guys, let us choose to let go of all the female friends we had in the past, and never to make new female friends in the present and in the future. If any woman wants to reach out to us, we should let our wives handle them or respond to them – they're our female counterpart anyway.
The same holds true for our phones, emails, and social media accounts. If any woman contacts us digitally, let's tell our wives about them and, as much as it is possible, let our wives handle the correspondence as well.
As a rule of thumb, keep all interactions with other women short and strictly business. Nothing personal.
As for us, let's choose to love our wives no matter what our past female friends will say. If they aren't willing to befriend and honor our wives, they don't honor us, period.