The one thing many Christian wives struggle with and how husbands can help them overcome it

(Photo: Stacey Rozells)

Many husbands don't know this, but so many Christian wives feel insecure about their husband's love. These dear women know and understand that their husbands love them and are working hard for their needs, yet they can't help but feel insecure about their spouse's love at times.

Why does this happen? I hope to answer this question, and give husbands tips on how to help their wives overcome this. Are you ready? Here we go.

Insecurities of a wife

Many wives won't tell this to their husbands, but at times they feel jealous of other people (not necessarily women) in their husband's life. For example:

  • the boys who go out with him on bowling night or on gym day
  • the female coworkers he spends time with every day and enjoys a good working relationship with
  • the people he speaks of with admiration and pays compliments to
  • the women who had relationships with him before he married his wife
  • female members of his family, like sisters, aunts, or of course, his mother!

There are possibly more people, but the point is that at times, a wife will feel insecure of her husband's love for many reasons. Normally, though, instead of coming to her husband to tell him about the matter and ask for help, the wife simply complains about her husband's "insensitivity."

Husbands, however, just don't see this. They think they are doing well. They earn well and feel they are doing what the Bible says. But this isn't enough.

How husbands can help their wives

Men, let me just tell you that you can help your wife overcome this issue. You may not think of it as something big, but to our wives it is very, very important. In fact, so important that if we don't do something about it, our wives will feel and think that we don't really love them.

And that's something you don't want to happen.

So to help you help your wife feel secure about your love, here are a few things you can do:

1) Realize that your words aren't enough

Brothers, there comes a time when our sweet words won't work well anymore: we'll need to back our words up with concrete actions. Recall the familiar saying, "actions speak louder than words"? That's right.

When you tell your wife that you love her, let your actions affirm it. Hold her hand in public. Embrace her when you're outdoors. Open the doors for her everywhere you go. Carry her grocery bags, and offer to cook for her.

Find ways to express your love in verbal and non-verbal ways.

2) Be proactive in expressing love to your wife

Next, be pro-active in expressing your love to your wife. Think of ways to enhance your relationship whether in private or in public. And do try to think of her needs without the need for her to tell you about it.

It would help if you knew your wife's love language. Gary Chapman's book, "The 5 Love Languages: The Secret to Love That Lasts," is a good resource for this. You should also discover your own love language because that's how you will give and receive love.

Think about your wife always. Find ways to make her feel loved and secured. Study her, and choose to prioritize her above others and say "farewell" to some people so you can spend time together just by yourselves.

3) Continually forsake all others

Lastly, you need to learn how to forsake all others in exchange for a deeper, better relationship with your wife. The Lord Jesus Himself did this. Ephesians 5:25-26 tells us,

"Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ also loved the church and gave Himself for her, that He might sanctify and cleanse her with the washing of water by the word"

Brothers, be more than willing to let go of any friendship or connection with others, especially women. Because even if they never say it out loud or tell you to do it, on the inside they will be secretly wondering whether they are your number one and whether you feel happiest with them or whether someone else makes you happier.  They are paying attention to the women you laugh with, talk to, and admire because the longing of their heart is to be all of those things for you more than any other.  A wife deserves to be the only woman in a husband's life (see Ephesians 5:31), and the husband should work on that.