Joel Osteen's Lakewood megachurch has come under fire this week for apparently refusing to help those affected by the terrible flooding that has followed Hurricane Harvey. Everyone loves to hate Osteen.I do too, really. I worry about megachurches (though I like worshipping in them when I can swallow down my discomfort with the smell of money and the forced enthusiasm) and as an evangelical I find some stuff Osteen says troublingly vacuous. Plus, he's successful, and we all hate that.

But the recent outpouring of bile towards him based on his response to the Texas floods, particularly by Christians, is just a little unfair. And unhelpful. So, if you, like me, just reposted stories about how the rich young ruler of bland churchianity failed us all, here are some questions to ask yourself. It's fun. Like a personality test.

Am I a disaster relief professional?

It sounds like I'm being facaetious, but that's just because I usually am and the tone seeps in. Really, if you are, go right ahead. From reports I've read, the decision not to open the obscenely huge and wealthy church seems pretty reasonable from a logistical perspective as it is due to flooding. I may be wrong. I work with disaster relief pros but I am not one. But considering a lot of other provision was already being made, the automatic response of "Why aren't you doing something?" smacks a little of people who immediately call relief agencies when a disaster happens and demand to be sent to help with no discernible skills (it happens, trust me, and some don't even call, they just get on planes) and THEY ARE NOT HELPING.

It's easy to say Why are the UN not doing X?! or get excited about sending boxes full of clothes to swamp the garment industry in a poor country, but, you know, there are people who have thought through the impacts of these interventions. IF you're not one of them, it may be worth holding back until you've heard the reasons, even if the media release was bungled (And this one was).

Am I judging Lakewood for not doing more good in the community and the world?

It's fair to assume that giant buildings erected in the name of the one who identified salvation with feeding the hungry should be used for the good of 'the least of these'. And if your feelings generally about Joel Osteen's church and megachurches like it revolve around how best the Body of Christ can use its resources to make a difference in the world, I am with you, for you and on your side like love handles. But if your own church is not using its own resources to produce gold-standard, grade-A help to the community and world, you may need to be removing some carpentry from your ocular cavity, you know what I'm saying? Logistics are hard. Community impact is hard. It's okay not to be brilliant at it but to be trying and loving. It's not okay, if you're muddling through, to judge people for not doing better.

Am I sharing ultra-negative stuff about Osteen because he's damaging our witness?

I know. He bugs me too. Private jets and lavish lifestyles are, I think, pretty likely to be sin. But I'm in the middle class of a nation made rich on the backs of slaves and oppressed foreigners and exploited labour, so it's hard for me to righteously draw a line where 'richer than most of the world's population but fine because it's where I am' and 'too rich to be godly'. Also (and this is very important): ARE YOU KIDDING ME? Concern for our witness is not helped by the snide, self-congratulatory hipster nonsense that is the But Not Like form of Christianity. You know: 'I'm a Christian, But Not Like them…' Cos you're cooler. More tolerant. Have better taste.

It's totally legitimate to be critical, even publicly critical, of the Church when it is wrong. But you have to ask yourself whether you are just criticising the people who aren't you and just taking your ego for a walk. You also need to be honest that public critique like that damages all our witness. You're right: Osteen does too. We all get tarred with the same brush. Just don't pretend what you do isn't having the same effect, no matter how righteous your cause.

Have I noticed that there have been severe floods in Nepal and India?

Ugh, I know. Selective-compassion-shaming is SO boring. I'm not saying that. Feel for Texas. I'm almost certain that you do, that's why you've tried to help practically, yes? And I'm almost certain that's not just because they are in a mostly white country you see in your stories on TV. It's fine if you haven't noticed. There's a lot of suffering in the world and you're not the class sadness monitor just because you care about one thing. Yes, it's good to remember that other countries' suffering will get less coverage and to make ourselves aware. It's also good not to be smug about how you care. It negates some of the point.

More importantly, though, if you weren't fully aware of the details, maybe you could have some compassion on other people who were maybe not as 'on it' as they could have been when their own city was being ransacked by the wind and rain. Osteen and his crew are human beings and probably not as thoughtful, smart or together as they should be. There are reasons for having a problem with them, but that is not one of them.

Jonty Langley is a recovering fundamentalist and reluctant progressive who works for a mission agency by day and argues with people on the internet by night. He also writes. Find him on Twitter @JontyLangley