Christian singer Kirk Franklin says that people should stop caring about "winning" in order to make relationships work.
"Winning is over rated," he wrote in his Patheos blog entitled Mountains Out of Molehills. But Franklin said that people actually feel the need to win more after they get married.
"Before marriage, you'll let your new love of your life win. They can win what movie to see, the restaurant choice, even the syrup!" he noted. But once people tie the knot, things drastically change.
"For some reason, winning becomes an underlying goal after the wedding, because we feel our independence slowly slipping away in the union to our significant other," he explained.
Franklin shared one occasion when he and his wife fought over something as trivial as syrup. "We went to brunch together by ourselves after church. We left the kids so we could enjoy time by ourselves. Now, let me set the stage. I love syrup. Lots and lots of syrup. I also like for my syrup to be heated," he said.
His wife Tammy's waffle came out before his food arrived, and she was almost finished eating when his two waffles arrived at the table. "When 'my' syrup — I repeat — MY syrup arrived, I used it. ALL of it. Because I requested it, I deemed it my own personal syrup. Tammy, who only had one corner left of her waffle, glanced at me with that 'no he didn't' look," shared the singer.
When asked what the problem was, a fight broke out. They got into an argument that was so bad Franklin wondered "if it would take President Obama himself showing up with a peace treaty to make us stop."
He explained that fights always occur when people least expect it. "We get caught off guard, because these things start out so small," he said, adding that "a small spark can burn an entire forest."
"Marriages, business partnerships, churches, you name it - many were killed over a small spark," he warned. "One of the greatest life lessons I've learned is that the loudest one in the room is always the weakest."
The singer said that powerful people understand the effect of their words and they recognise that humility is the hallmark of greatness, so they pick their battles and do not merely focus on winning.
Many marriages don't recover from syrup arguments, he continued, adding that he's thankful that he and his wife managed to sort out their frustrations and make up.
"It wasn't until we got in the car on that cold rainy Sunday that we finally apologised to each other. Sure do wish I would've made better choices while I was at the table," he concluded.
