One of the hardest yet most shaping times of life has been the season of being at home with little ones.
I hadn't realised how much identity and worth I had found in being part of a team, being line managed and line managing others. Working towards a vision together. Planning, preparing, delivering and evaluating. Office chats and lunchtime laughter. Sharing successes and grieving together the losses. The annual Christmas staff team meal. All these things, I had done for so many years until I didn't any more.
Mothering and fathering gives us a tiny glimpse of what Jesus has done for us. Sometimes for a season, sometimes for forever, parents give up what was once their previous life in order to love the children that belong to them. We are unable to do all the things we once did.
Any parent of a newborn will tell you of the sacrifice this tiny person causes you to make. Sleepless nights, endless days, the monotony of changing nappies. Giving everything to someone who does not pay you a monthly pay cheque and will not pat you on the back and tell you what a great job you are doing. There are no staff rewards or bonus schemes. There is no line management or annual appraisal. Parents stop talking about the sleepless nights as months become years of accepting that interrupted sleep is the new norm.
All the joy is found in watching this tiny person grow and develop.
A parent of a newborn quickly realises that to be a parent is to lay down your life. We coo over pictures of little ones but we know the reality is one of sacrifice. There are no days off or holidays any more. Life looks completely different. Joy and sacrifice march together hand in hand.
In the working world we had got so used to the sense of value we found in doing what we did, with others in our organisation cheering us on.
To be a parent is to sacrificially serve, with only the applause of God. Over the years I have taken great comfort in knowing that God sees it all.
He sees every tear wept for our precious ones. He sees every game played, every hug given, every meal cooked. He sees you picking up the Cheerios and raisins off the floor again. He sees you holding the bowl next to your sick child through the night while your eyes droop and you are desperate for your bed. He sees the endlessness of washing and putting away. He sees you reading that favourite book over and over. He sees you giving all when all you want to do is hide.
And as we quietly get on with serving, God is shaping us to be more like him. As we give up our life to give another theirs, we start thinking less of ourselves and more of others. We learn to find our identity in Christ and what he did for us, not in what someone says about us in a team meeting or on Twitter. We begin to realise that it is in giving away that we really find life.
I'm now in the strange season that I can think about working again. My capacity is still limited and I look on those people who are achieving great things through their jobs with great admiration. But while I cannot wait to get stuck into the world of work again I hope these lessons I have been learning over the last few years mean that my value will not be found in what people do or do not say about me but who God says I am. My value is not found in gaining a reputation with the world but in giving one up in order to love.
Our ultimate value is found in Christ, and in Christ alone. Our failures and mistakes are taken away at the cross. We need not fear any shame. We need not worry what others think of us. We are free to live for his glory and his alone, knowing his perfect love and sacrifice for us is all we need.
Lizzie Bassford is a wife, mum and missionary living in inner-city Manchester. Follow her on Twitter @captivated01.
