We hear time and time again that trust has to be earned. But even when someone or something has proven to be trustworthy in the past, we can still have reservations when we're required to place our trust in them again. How many times have we heard testimonies in which the speaker, despite having already received multiple pointers from God, asked God for a sign? How many times have we asked the same thing of him or others?
Our tendency to doubt things which haven't been proven to us empirically is explored in John 20:24-29. These verses are also full of instruction on how to tackle distrust, and those who distrust us. Here are four lessons that we can learn from Jesus' interaction with Thomas after his resurrection.
Respond to distrust with unguarded honesty
Jesus invites Thomas to touch the places where he was wounded on the cross, he opens himself up to Thomas in a way that is brutally honest. Sometimes for people to believe in us we have to be open about the things that hurt us the most. True honesty is about more than just not telling lies, it also requires us to not omit certain information, and own up to things which we may have difficulty in facing.
Choose trust
Thomas doubts Jesus has risen because he hasn't seen him at the same time as the rest of the disciples. Prior to this Thomas had no reason not to believe in Jesus presence on earth or what the disciples said of Jesus. Once he gets the proof he requires, Thomas exclaims: "My Lord and my God!" Trust is an essential foundation of any relationship. We should have a unsuspicious mindset with people we have an established relationship with. If someone's never shown us a reason for us to doubt them, then we should give them the benefit of the doubt.
Show mercy to those who distrust you
If people mistrust us, even when we've given them no reason to, we should still show mercy to them. Believing in others isn't something that comes easy to everyone. A person's background, past failed relationships and previous misplaced belief can all contribute to them developing trust issues. It can be difficult to show mercy to those who accuse us of dishonesty without reason, but we can draw encouragement from Jesus' example. He doesn't abandon Thomas because of his doubts, he's understanding and compassionate.
Adapt your responses to those with trust issues
Sometimes we have to treat those with trust issues differently than those who don't. What Jesus did with Thomas he didn't do with the other disciples, John 20:27 (Then he said to Thomas, "Put your finger here; see my hands. Reach out your hand and put it into my side. Stop doubting and believe"). Jesus' invitation to Thomas was unique and specifically adapted to suit Thomas' needs. Instead of recoiling in response to Thomas' mistrust, Jesus reveals himself and reaches out even more. We can feel wounded when someone doubts us or our intentions, but understanding why they might require extra reassurance can enable us to do the things that can heal that mistrust and bridge the relationship.
