You know those brothers who play rough and tease you about boys? The ones who pretend to want to be away from you but constantly jump into your conversations and make jokes with you over silly movies and family time. The ones you tell your friends you can't stand but they know deep down he is one of your favourite human beings.

Yeah those! Well good for you cuz I don't.

A couple weeks ago I went out to dinner with my small bible study group and struck up a conversation with someone. She eventually asked me about a very sensitive topic in my life...my brother. At the end of a very animated discussion she left me this one bit of advice: whenever you are asked about him again, speak of him in the manner that you want the Lord to begin doing in his life.

Please Change

I love my brother. He is definitely a special character and because he is not presently following after Christ, it makes it very difficult to live with him. I have prayed for him, argued with him, thanked God for him and resented him. I would sometimes halfheartedly enter prayer circles because I was just tired. Who he was became just a factual statement and while I knew God could fix it, my emotions were heavily invested and made it hard to see him through God's eyes.

But something about this conversation with this young lady resonated in my heart. So I prayed. But prayer was different this time. I prayed for me. My heart on the matter was wrong and I knew it was filthy so I brought it to Him. I allowed the Lord to begin working on my bitterness towards my brother. I had to change first....

Ephesians chapter 4 verse 32 says, "Be ye kind, one to another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another even as God for Christ's sake has forgiven you." In this verse the apostle Paul admonishes the believer to exchange bitterness and ill-will for kindness and tenderhearted forgiveness.

If I were to take this verse for myself I would have to alter my focus. Instead of praying for the umpteenth time for my brother to change, I had to pray about my heart towards my brother. I had to exchange bitterness for forgiveness.

Tim Keller says in his article Serving Each Other Through Forgiveness and Reconciliation that, "[In] all cases when wrong is done there is a debt, and there is no way to deal with it without suffering: either you make the perpetrator suffer for it or you forgive and suffer for it yourself."

My lesson

That is what Christ did for us. Our sin against Him incurred a debt that could only be paid for by death. This debt Jesus paid in full with His life. He suffered for us. God went first by beginning the process of reconciliation and forgiveness even though He did no wrong. He sent his Son who "knew no sin to be sin on our behalf, so that we might become the righteousness of God in Him." 2 Corinthians chapter 5 verse 21.

God forgave first and paid the debt for our sin. And the day we accepted this payment made on our behalf, we received the right to be a part of the family of God. He went first and now we should do the same - forgive first, love first and accept first.

A few days after I prayed this prayer, my brother and I had a disagreement and in the middle of it he said something I have never heard in twenty-five years: "I admit I was wrong...." It stunned me for a moment because well he never says that, and it killed the disagreement right away. I went over it in my mind later that night and I remembered my prayer, and I was amazed.

I had asked Christ to work on my heart towards him, and somehow I was seeing the prayers for my heart to change extend to me seeing changes in my brother. I smiled to myself as I muttered to God in prayer, with a resolute conviction that I hope to stick to, "ME FIRST".

Stacy-Ann Smith - is a child therapist. She is involved with youth and children's ministry and has a heart to work with young women teaching them the ways of the Lord. She serves as a board member of the Kingston and St. Andrew Foster Parent's Association. Stacy-Ann Smith's previous articles may be viewed at http://www.pressserviceinternational.org/stacy-ann-smith.html