If you're married or planning to get married, you're probably familiar with what Ephesians 5:33 has to say about how husbands and wives are to treat each other. It says, "However, let each one of you love his wife as himself, and let the wife see that she respects her husband."

But this question seems to pop up quite often: "What if my husband is someone who doesn't deserve respect?"

This may seem like a simple question that deserves a simple answer. Sadly it doesn't.

Relationships, most especially marriages, can get very complicated at times. This is not because God made them that way but because in our fallen nature we have distorted many times the perfect image of relationships that God has given us.

Sometimes some circles may oversimplify the remedy to this situation by saying, "If he deserves it, give it. If he doesn't, don't."

But what must be clear first is the relativity of the "respectability" of a man. I have to admit that I have never ever in my life met a perfect man (that's a surprise), and that every man — or person for that matter — has always had one area that was not as respectable as they'd like it to be. One husband might have problems with finances, another might have troubles disciplining kids.

I've met wives who have put a messiah image on their husbands, expecting to have married Jesus Himself. Well, I have bad news for you: You never will. Marriage is tough because we marry imperfect people. That's because we're all fallen. Romans 3:23 reminds us, "For all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God."

In that sense, if you're waiting for your husband to be perfect in the areas of time management, work ethics, diligence, house chores, grooming, fashion, machinery repair, calculus and world history before you respect him, I'm sorry but it will only be when he is glorified by Christ in eternal life that you will respect him.

But if you can find it in yourself to embrace and pray for guidance through the Holy Spirit in areas he needs improvement and be thankful for the many other things he does get right, then maybe respect will only come as second nature.

Needless to say, respect doesn't always apply to all husbands. In cases where husbands are abusive to a dangerous level — whether that be physical, emotional or spiritual abuse — or where safety is jeopardised, by all means protect yourselves.

But until there is space for the unconditional love and respect that comes from Christ to flow through you without ignoring wisdom, maximise your respect for your husband.

Remember that we love, respect, trust and forgive our spouse based not on what they do or who we are, but always based on the unlimited supply of love, mercy and grace that Jesus has poured out upon us.