The Christian pastor who was raped on her wedding day – and has forgiven her attackers

Pastor Terry GobangaTwitter

Christian pastor Terry Gobanga, from Kenya, didn't show up for her own wedding – because she had been gang raped on that same day and left for dead by the roadside. Then her husband, Harry, died just 29 days after their marriage.

The suffering was compounded because she was shunned by her community who thought she was 'cursed'.

Now she has told her remarkable story to the BBC, describing how her faith helped her turn her life around again. 

It was a big wedding in All Saints Cathedral, Nairobi, and her entire church and large family was there.

'But the night before the wedding I realised that I had some of Harry's clothes, including his cravat. He couldn't show up without a tie, so a friend who had stayed the night offered to take it to him first thing in the morning. We got up at dawn and I walked her to the bus station.

'As I was making my way back home, I walked past a guy sitting on the bonnet of a car – suddenly he grabbed me from behind and dumped me in the back seat. There were two more men inside, and they drove off. It all happened in a fraction of a second.

'A piece of cloth was stuffed in my mouth. I was kicking and hitting out and trying to scream. When I managed to push the gag out, I screamed: "It's my wedding day!" That was when I got the first blow. One of the men told me to "co-operate or you will die".'

She told BBC Magazine: 'The men took turns to rape me. I felt sure I was going to die, but I was still fighting for my life, so when one of the men took the gag out of my mouth I bit his manhood. He screamed in pain and one of them stabbed me in the stomach. Then they opened the door and threw me out of the moving car.'

She was now miles away, outside Nairobi and it was more than six hours since her abduction.

She was finally rescued after a child saw her thrown from the and car called her grandmother, who called the police. They picked her up and, thinking she was dead, drove for the mortuary, but on the way there she coughed so they took her to hospital instead.

'I was half-naked and covered in blood, and my face was swollen from being punched. But something must have alerted the matron, because she guessed I was a bride. "Let's go around the churches to see if they're missing a bride," she told the nurses.'

When they heard where she was, her parents and fiance went to the hospital with all the guests.

As she was stitched up, she was told she could not have children as she had been stabbed in the womb.

Pastor Terry Gobanga preaching at Deliverance ChurchTwitter

She kept saying sorry to Harry as she felt she had let him down. 'Some people said it was my own fault for leaving the house in the morning. It was really hurtful, but my family and Harry supported me.'

The police never caught the rapists. She found out she was HIV-negative and they began to plan another wedding which took place in July 2005.

Then 29 days later, he died of carbon monoxide fumes after an accident with a charcoal burner which she only narrowly survived herself.

'Going back to church for the funeral was terrible. Just a month earlier I had been there in my white dress, with Harry standing at the front looking handsome in his suit. Now, I was in black and he was being wheeled in, in a casket.'

She then suffered a breakdown.

'I felt let down by God, I felt let down by everybody. I couldn't believe that people could be laughing, going out and just going about life. I crashed.

'One day I was sitting on the balcony looking at the birds chirping away and I said: "God, how can you take care of the birds and not me?" In that instant I remembered there are 24 hours a day – sitting in depression with your curtains closed, no-one's going to give you back those 24 hours. Before you know, it's a week, a month, a year wasted away. That was a tough reality.'

She thought she could never marry again after enduring such pain, but a friend, Tonny Gobanga, kept visiting and talking and finally she realised she had fallen for him.

They decided to get married, even though some of his family opposed it because of what had happened to her.

'It was three years after my first wedding, and I was very scared. When we were exchanging vows, I thought: "Here I am again Father, please don't let him die." As the congregation prayed for us I cried uncontrollably.'

Then a year later, when she was feeling unwell, she was astonished to be told she was pregnant and they now have two daughters, Tehille and Towdah.

She published her story in a book, Crawling out of Darkness, and set up an organisation, Kara Olmurani, offering counselling and support to rape survivors.

She told the BBC: 'I have forgiven my attackers. It wasn't easy but I realised I was getting a raw deal by being upset with people who probably don't care. My faith also encourages me to forgive and not repay evil with evil but with good.'

LISTEN to Pastor Terry's story.