The 84 thoughts you have during a contemporary worship service
What thoughts do we have during contemporary worship?Michelle Jimenez/Unsplash
- Are we standing up for this?
- He hasn't said 'stand'...
- A couple of people are standing up now. I don't think it's enough though, they might be wrong...
- Imagine the humiliation if we're not meant to be standing.
- Ok we're standing.
- I am so excited to worship God this morning. Let's worship!
- Oh no, not this song.
- No matter. I am not here to be entertained. Worship is a decision.
- At least it's quite upbeat.
- Gosh, Ian's gone early with the arm-raising. That's a bold move, Ian.
- You're on your own, Ian.
- Ah, he's realised and is pretending to scratch the back of his head. Smooth.
- This isn't so bad I suppose.
- Oh no! Don't repeat the verse!
- This song is going on forever.
- Seriously, if this is what heaven is like, I think I'm going to be spending eternity hiding in the bathroom.
- Oh it's over. What's next?
- They're segueing... funky key change... drum fill thingy...
- YES! Hillsong. Now we're gonna worship.
- That's right Paula, you bob your little head.
- Do I hear some clapping?
- Let's clap!
- Oh no, disaster. There are two completely separate clapping rhythms.
- I'm not sure if I'm in the correct group.
- This is such a metaphor when you think about it.
- Thank goodness. No clapping in the chorus.
- Oh dear, respite over, back into the verse...
- Why haven't the words changed?
- Seriously, who's on SongPro duty today? I bet it's one of the young people. This is what 'empowerment' gets you.
- Argh this is a disaster. People are just humming.
- Thank goodness.
- Oh no that's the wrong verse.
- Please Lord, if you could come back RIGHT NOW and end this, we'd all appreciate it.
- They're wrapping it up. Good move.
- Hold up. I think they're improvising now. That's a risk.
- Worse! They're asking us to sing out our own praises to God.
- I never know what to do at this point.
- ...'Mmm'
- 'Oh Lord...'
- Come on you fool. Think of something worship-y
- 'Oh Lord I really... mmm...'
- 'I really just... praise you Lord...'
- Profound.
- Thank goodness that's over.
- What's next?
- They're going to teach us a new song. Well this is never awkward.
- Trying to follow the tune... very quietly and...
- Nope, messed it up. I don't think anyone noticed.
- This is a terrible song. This will never, ever be popular. I guarantee this is the only time we ever sing this.
- Oh the chorus is alright.
- Trying again with the verse... no, still not quite following.
- Paula's bobbing again.
- Yes to this chorus though. This is catchy stuff.
- Ooh, nice bridge thingy.
- This chorus is amazing! This song is fantastic. This might be my new favourite worship song.
- Oh don't do this one now. We were right in the presence of God. Or adding a track to our Spotify playlists at least. This is such a dirge.
- Still, worship is not about being entertained. Worship is about God.
- Worship is a lifestyle. I think I went to a seminar about that once. They definitely said worship is a lifestyle.
- And a threshing floor.
- I think.
- There was definitely something about threshing floors.
- Maybe worship isn't a threshing floor.
- What actually IS a threshing floor?
- Uh oh - new problem - there's a line coming up about 'falling on to our knees'.
- What are we supposed to do with that?
- Ian's raised his arms instead.
- I'm not going down on my knees unless everyone else does. It's just a figure of speech, right?
- We must be near the end of the worship now.
- Ouch, that's awkward. They're going for another song, and the pastor's just walked on to stage.
- What's he going to do? He's in the corridor of uncertainty now...
- Stop playing you fools! The pastor's here!
- Nope, they've started the song.
- What's he going to do?
- He's raising the microphone.
- The band's playing an extended intro.
- They're getting louder too.
- This has turned into a Mexican stand-off.
- I am going to have to find another church.
- Panic over. He's styling it out.
- He's drifting back off the stage...
- Oh no, don't dance, man!
- Still don't actually know what this song is.
- It's '10,000 reasons'! JACKPOT.
- 'Bless the Lord oh my soul...'
