John Piper cautions against confiding in spouse about church or relationship conflicts

Pastor John Piper says 'we are so prone to speak about others when our own attitude is the real problem.'(Facebook/John Piper)

Whenever people get into fights and conflicts with other people, they tend to want to share about it with their spouses at home. There is nothing wrong with processing these conflicts with a spouse, but sometimes, this can lead to gossip or slander, according to Pastor John Piper.

The founder of writes on his website that talking about other people is "fraught with dangers," and even the Bible is strict in reminding Christians not to "speak evil against one another (James 4:11)" because it can foster conceit and cause disorder in the Church.

"I think part of the reason these texts are in the Bible is to warn us that we are so prone to speak about others when our own attitude is the real problem," says Piper. "We need to know ourselves really well so that we don't even share the things we have permission to share if our motives are impure or if we feel jealousy or undue anger or sinful fear and anxiety or revenge or just the subtle pleasure — we all know this — of sharing news, especially bad news or questionable news, that nobody else knows about but us, and we get to be the first one to talk about it."

If Christians can honestly determine there's any "selfish motives" in conflict-sharing with one's spouse, then they should not do so, says Piper. At the same time, they need to know if their spouse will be able to take the news with a pure and open heart.

If one's husband or wife will sow anger, resentment, or fear over the news, then it would be better not to say anything, says Piper. "Knowing our spouses will have a significant effect on whether we share and what we share and how we share the difficult situations that we are walking through," the pastor says.