How Christian Men Should Respond To Getting 'Friend Zoned'


You meet a girl at church. You start noticing things about her that you really like. And since you're of age and you're ready to settle down, you start considering that maybe she's the one for you. But then when you ask her out, she turns you down because she really just wants to be your friend.

This situation is called "friend zone"—when a friendship exists between two people, one of whom has an unreciprocated romantic or sexual interest in the other.

The friend zone is like a dating purgatory that puts you in a limbo of confusion and doubt. It may sound like a joke, but many Christian men and even women have had serious questions about how to respond when faced with this situation.

What is the Christian response to getting friend zoned? Here are four tips for the friend-zoned Christian dating hopeful.

1. Consider Whether It's A Necessary Season

We live in a world that promises so many instant things — instant gratification, instant relationships, instant marriages, instant noodles, and so on. But the best things in life will often come with a season of waiting.

Have you ever asked whether the friend zone is just a phase that Christian dating hopefuls need to go through? Friendship in fact is a safe place for Christian men and women to get to know each other better. If you're really serious about someone, you will be willing to wait. 1 Corinthians 13:4 says, "Love is patient and kind; love does not envy or boast; it is not arrogant."

2. If It's In Your Heart, Persevere

If you really do come into a season of waiting, we only really have two options—stick through it or give up. And maybe you might have to give up on the person, but you don't necessarily have to give up on your hopes of marriage.

Galatians 6:9 says, "And let us not grow weary of doing good, for in due season we will reap, if we do not give up."

Perseverance is the key to achieving anything great, even a wonderful relationship.

3. Refuse To Harbour Bitterness

Just because someone rejects you, it doesn't have to be a reason to harbour bitterness in your heart. One of the lies the enemy wants Christian bachelors to believe is that when rejected, you also have to reject them. That's not always the case.

In God's kingdom there is very little reason to burn bridges. God is a God of thriving friendships and church community, thus giving room for forgiveness to happen.

4. Don't See Rejection As A Question Of Your Worth

But maybe sometimes the friend zone is really not a step towards courtship. Maybe it's really just a polite way of someone turning you down. If someone turns you down romantically, it's not the end of the world. It just means the person just might really not be for you.

Even when we are rejected in the natural, it doesn't mean we're worthless because God has not rejected us. Romans 11:2 says, "God has not rejected his people whom he foreknew. Do you not know what the Scripture says of Elijah, how he appeals to God against Israel?"

Don't find your worth in anyone else. Anchor it firmly on Christ.

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