8 reasons why many modern marriages fail

Reuters

Why do marriages made in today's modern age often end up in divorce while marriages made in the distant past seem to last for a lifetime?

Christian blogger Dave Willis believes it's because society is missing the whole point of marriage, and because of this, families are being built without a solid foundation.

He then offers eight reasons why many modern marriages fail in his Patheos blog:

1. Engaged couples spend huge amounts of time and money to have a great wedding, but almost no effort preparing for a great marriage.

Weddings nowadays have become big business, and people profit heavily from dresses, catering, event coordination, and many more things. But according to Willis, weddings distract couples from the important goal of marriage.

"I've seen far too many couples have a dream wedding followed quickly by a nightmare marriage," he writes. "The wedding lasts only one day but the marriage should last a lifetime, so make sure you're planning for more than a one-time party."

2. We view marriage as a contract but not as a covenant.

Willis says God created marriage as something more than a contract. As a covenant, one's focus should not be selfish, since a married person should always have their partner's best interests at heart.

"It's selfless, and it's timeless and there's NO exit strategy. That's the only way a marriage can really work, but our modern world has lost sight of this," he says.

3. We build marriage on our feelings instead of our commitment.

There is nothing wrong with feelings, says Willis, but people should not use their feelings as a foundation because these are fickle.

"Marriage is far too important to be based on feelings. Instead, we need to build marriage upon our commitments even on those days when we're not feeling it," he explains. "Our modern world worships feelings and is quick to quit on a marriage the moment the feelings change, but the strongest couples have learned that marriage requires choosing to love each other even on those days when you struggle to like each other."

4. We view marriage as a 50-50 partnership.

While this seems relatively harmless, Willis says it's a dangerous perspective to marriage. Husbands and wives would often have a mental scorecard when they go on a "50-50" partnership. So instead, Willis suggests that people give their best in their marriages 100 percent of the time.

5. We think the happiness of our kids should be a bigger priority than the health of our marriage.

The wellbeing of one's kids is undoubtedly important. However, if marital health is suffering because taking care of one's marriage has taken a backseat, then something is wrong.

When all the focus is on the children's temporary happiness, we end up harming the kids and harming the marriage at the same time," warns Willis. "One of the greatest gifts you can give your children is the security that comes from living a unified home where their mom and dad are in a loving, committed marriage with each other."

6. We text more than we talk.

People have replaced real interaction with tinkering with one's smartphones and gadgets. If couples get more face time than screen time, then marriages will be strengthened, guarantees Willis.

7. We have "outsourced" sex and romance.

One of the reasons why the pornography business is in such high demand is that even couples turn to it instead of turning to each other. "One of the biggest marriage-killers in our modern world is that husbands and wives have stopped pursuing each other and have turned their sexual/romantic fantasies to outside sources like pornography, erotica and graphic romance novels," he says. "Modern marriage could instantly improve if we committed to not only being physically monogamous, but striving to be mentally monogamous as well."

8. We think divorce will solve all our problems.

Willis believes divorce creates more problems instead of solving problems. If people often assume that they can jump ship when hardships ensue, then issues will never be resolved. "Let's fight for each other instead of fighting against each other!" urges Willis.

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