70 Thoughts You Have When Reading The Bible

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  1. Ooh. The Bible. Haven't read that in a while.
  2. So much for that New Year's resolution.
  3. Tonight's the night though, definitely.
  4. Must just locate it first...
  5. Where did I last have it?
  6. Ah yes. The loo.
  7. Is that acceptable?
  8. I'll ask my small group.
  9. Now before I get down to the actual reading part, I really should create an Ideal Reading Atmosphere.
  10. Let's get Spotify up.
  11. Holy playlist? Check.
  12. Now for the candles.
  13. Lots of candles.
  14. Ooh. Maybe too many.
  15. This is fast becoming a fire hazard.
  16. But soft lighting does make all the difference.
  17. No one wants to read under a spotlight.
  18. OK, what next?
  19. I'll just rearrange these cushions for optimum back support.
  20. Wouldn't want to cause myself injury now, would I?
  21. And these blankets – not quite right.
  22. Something about the colour scheme isn't working for me.
  23. I can't relax under these conditions.
  24. Right – that's better.
  25. You know what, I'd better just check Facebook first.
  26. If I don't, I'll only be wondering whether I've got any notifications while I'm trying to read and that'll be a distraction.
  27. Better to get it out of the way first so I can concentrate.
  28. And then just a little look at Instagram.
  29. And Twitter.
  30. But then, seriously. I'm done.
  31. You know it's been ages since I've looked at my LinkedIn.
  32. I have approximately 4,000 connection requests.
  33. It would really be rude to keep them hanging on any longer.
  34. Ooh what's this? Would I like to endorse Brenda in her presentation skills?
  35. Well, given that at least three people fell asleep in the last meeting she chaired I'm not sure it's her strong suit.
  36. John actually fell off his chair.
  37. Still, anything for you Brenda.
  38. She does bring in the nice biscuits.
  39. ANYWAY.
  40. Back to the Bible.
  41. That sounds like quite a good learning resource, come to think of it.
  42. A new commentary featuring pop-culture references for teens who've strayed from the Word.
  43. Maybe I'll pitch it to someone.
  44. I'll just write that down so I don't forget it.
  45. Just need to find a notebook...
  46. My journal!
  47. How could I forget that?
  48. I can't read without my trusty journal by my side in case I need to scribble down any weighty prophetic words from the Lord.
  49. Or flashes of inspiration, song lyrics, that kind of thing.
  50. I mean, I've never written a song in my life.
  51. Still, you never know.
  52. Hmmm, this journal isn't as full as I remember.
  53. I've had it for two years and I'm still not a quarter of the way through.
  54. Jenny in small group has to get a new one every other week.
  55. And her Bible is falling apart at the seams.
  56. She's pretty smug about it, actually.
  57. Maybe I'll just skip a few pages.
  58. And start writing really big.
  59. Keep up appearances, you know.
  60. It feels like this song has been going on for about half an hour.
  61. Oh no, my mistake. They just all sound exactly the same.
  62. Skip track.
  63. And I'll just grab a drink of water.
  64. It's vital to be well hydrated before diving into the Word.
  65. I'm sure Tim Keller said that once.
  66. Living water and all that.
  67. OK, it's time.
  68. Let's settle in.
  69. Lord, speak to me through your written Word.
  70. Now, where to start...?

This is the valedictory column by Carey Lodge who is leaving Christian Today to work as media officer for World Vision. Find her on Twitter @CareyLodge

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