Marriage is not about your happiness

Marriage is a blessing. It really is, but what if I told you that it was not meant to be just a blessing to you? The gift of marriage was meant to bring blessing to more than just one person, and we realise that more as we submit our marriages to Christ and allow Him to use them.

It's so funny how even the best tools put in the most inexperienced hands can give unsatisfactory results. For instance, a signature-model, high-class guitar will only make noise if it's put in the hands of someone who doesn't know how to make music. But once put in the hands of a music aficionado, everyone can have a lovely afternoon of tunes.

In many ways, our marriages are no different: they are signature-model, high-class tools, but when we allow inexperienced and clueless people—mainly us—to handle them, they won't be of much more use than a noisemaker. But put in the hands of the expert on marriages, our marriages can become wondrous works of art that people will be blessed by. There is no expert better than Jesus Christ when it comes to love and marriage, given that His marriage to the universal church—to us—is the best example we are given.

When put in our hands, marriage becomes more about our happiness, our needs, our desires and our preferences. When we want things our way and done according to our definition, we limit marriage to being beneficial only to us. In the long run, if we do things this way, our marriages will end up becoming useless even to ourselves.

But when we surrender our marriage to God and allow Him to work through it and with it, more people can benefit from it. You spouse will be blessed by it, your extended families will be blessed by it, even your officemates, ministry and friends will be blessed by it.

I love looking up to Christ-centered marriages that are composed of two people who submit to God's definition and standard of marriage and serve each other and others with the grace and love of Christ. Those kinds of marriages don't only bring blessing upon the couple but to everyone around them because couples like that tend to become naturally inspiring, generous, vibrant and life-giving.

Marriage was never meant to be just about your happiness, your dreams and your wants. When that is our mindset, it only reflects how self-centred and helpless we can be. God meant for marriage to be centered on Him. Ecclesiastes 4:12 reminds us, "And though a man might prevail against one who is alone, two will withstand him—a threefold cord is not quickly broken" (ESV).

God is the third and unbreakable cord, and it is His satisfaction and honour that we must seek first in our marriages. As we seek God's happiness first in our marriage, it results in our happiness, peace and satisfaction as well.