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Updated: Sunday, 7 September 2008, 8:52 (BST)

15 June 2008 | Loser

I'm having to admit that some of my dreams will never be fulfilled. There are a number of careers I'm already too late for; footballers and stock traders have retired by my age. When I was young and opportunities seemed endless there was no pressure to know where I was going and what I really wanted to do. Now I'm starting to know what to aim for just as my choices are diminishing. As I look ahead I fear I'm destined to reach old age knowing exactly what I was supposed to have done while no longer being able to ever do it.



We are defined in our world by what we do and the thought of 'having done nothing with my life' scares me. But should this be so? In the end when I'm not 'doing' anything it'll be who I am that defines me. Will I like who I am? Do I like who I am now? Perhaps as my options reduce the most important opportunity of all lies open: to become a person worth growing old with.



Steve Hollinghurst

Notes

It is not easy to lose your life Without becoming dead But it is still worth trying In order to really find yourself



It is not easy to discover that there is no such thing as an individual But it is worth the effort To finally find yourself in others It is not easy to accept that none of us really exists Except when we exist for each other But why live only for yourself when you might as well be dead?



It is not impossible to gain a whole world In the breathless chase for everything But what can you do with a world If you lost your soul in getting it



It is not easy to believe that you cannot buy your life or own your life That the more of it you consume, the more alive you will feel Because this is the ocean we swim in, the shimmering liquid mirage our evolutionary pilgrimage has adapted us to And coming up for air might drawn us



It is not easy to realise ubuntu That 'I am because you are', that unless you are, I am not But unless we do and until we can Maybe none of us will really ever be



It is not easy to follow a call instead of a career (If they do not overlap) But it is the pearl of great price to find your heart In tune with the universe



It is not easy to lose your life Without becoming dead It is not easy to lose your life But it is the only way to find it



Martin Wroe

Prayer

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