Judges 11 is one of one of the Old Testament's most puzzling and terrible stories.

It's a story of violence and bloodshed, and it's often used by atheist campaigners as an example of how the Bible ­– and the Old Testament in particular – is morally inferior to modern understandings of right and wrong. But properly understood, it's a profound challenge us in our discipleship.

Jephthah was one of the judges who ruled Israel before it had kings. It's probably fair to say he was a man with a chip on his shoulder. His mother was a prostitute, and his father's legitimate children drove him away when they grew up. He became an outlaw and a powerful warrior.

When the country was under threat from the Ammonite people, the elders of Gilead approached him and asked him to drive them out in return for being made the tribal head. Jephthah agreed, but before he went out to battle he made a rash and foolish vow. He said to God: "If you give the Ammonites into my hands, whatever comes out of the door of my house to meet me when I return in triumph from the Ammonites will be the Lord's , and I will sacrifice it as a burnt offering."

Rather than a goat or a ram, as he might have expected, it was his daughter. And Jephthah kept his vow: he gave her two months, then he sacrificed her.

Some would say this proves how barbaric the Bible is. Can we really learn anything from a dreadful story of human sacrifice?

One thing we have to realise is that God did not command Jephthah to do this. If anyone uses this as an example of Jephthah's faith and commitment to God, and argues that it's admirable he was prepared to sacrifice his dearest treasure, they have missed the point. His daughter was not his to sacrifice and he should not have kept his vow. When we realise that, we can start to see how it speaks to us today. And Jephthah's story has things to say to us particularly about leadership and responsibility.

1. He wouldn't admit he was wrong

Jephthah was a strong man, a war leader. He was decisive and courageous. He had built a career on knowing what was the right thing to do, and doing it. To back down, even when one of his decisions was shown to have disastrous consequences, was contrary to his whole course of life.

Leaders who won't face up to the consequences of bad decisions make the situation worse. There's a place for people who are confident, prepared to argue down opposition and drive forward to get their way. Sometimes it takes a personality like that to achieve things worth achieving. But everyone needs to be humble enough to put their hands up and say, "I got it wrong."

2. He wouldn't trust his men

Jephthah looks like the sort of man who's built his military career on being strong, never apologising and never explaining. Would his men still follow him if he didn't do what he said he'd do, or would it strike a fatal blow to his authority?

There are leaders who feel their followers' allegiance depends on them being right. They don't dare to admit mistakes, because it means they're human. Under what may be a confident exterior, they have so little self-belief that they are willing to go to any lengths to conceal their vulnerability. This kind of leader is heading for disaster. In church situations, but more generally too, leaders do best when they are able to admit their mistakes. If they try to deny or conceal them, the consequences can be disastrous.

3. He wouldn't trust God

Jephthah's worst mistake is that he didn't believe in grace. Which is worse, breaking a promise you should never have made in the first place, or killing the person you love most in the world? How could he possibly think that God would want him to do that? Jephthah didn't understand about God's mercy and forgiveness. He thought that if he didn't keep the rules, God would turn on him. The result was that to avoid one sin, he committed a far greater one.

Leaders who are rule-bound and grace-blind make terrible mistakes. Everything we do has to be tested not just by whether it's in accordance with the church's handbook, but by whether it accords with the character of God. There's no substitute for prayerfully asking for the mind of Christ when we're faced with hard decisions.

Sometimes Bible gives us examples of how to live. Sometimes it shows us how not to live. Often those are the stories we learn even more from.

Follow Mark Woods on Twitter: @RevMarkWoods