12 reasons to be cheerful (even after last night's result)
So things aren't looking so great if you're an England fan (and even worse if you're Spanish). Thursday night's unfortunate defeat to Uruguay leaves the Three Lions' World Cup hopes dangling by the thinnest thread of Italian cotton. But don't feel glum - brighten your day with 12 reasons to be cheerful.
12. If you force yourself to think logically, it feels better
Ok, you're disappointed. But in fact, you're sad because a team of people you don't know didn't win a game which would have allowed them to play one or two other teams before getting knocked out. Painfully. On penalties. When you think about it, this is just short circuiting a lot of pain.
11. This picture of a Panda
10. The World Cup is a lot less stressful when you're not in it
If you're an England fan, you're now liberated to enjoy the greatest football tournament on earth without any sense of pain, fear or horror. Pick another team, then, when they get knocked out, watch the footage of their crying fans and FEEL ABSOLUTELY NOTHING!
9. There's load of other great sport to look forward to
Can Andy Murray defend his Wimbledon title? Can England's rebuilt cricket team improve on their solid start and win Test Series against Sri Lanka and India? What records might fall at the Commonwealth Games? Never mind the World Cup, there are myriad ways to have your sporting hopes dashed this summer...
8. This reminder of the quite extraordinary miracle of creation
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7. This child, dancing on India's Got Talent
6. There are NEW STAR WARS FILMS coming. You know where you are with them
They can't possibly be as bad as the prequels. And they've got the original actors in them (although we're guessing Harrison Ford's scenes will involve a lot of sitting down after he broke his leg on set). Star Wars: Episode 7 is scheduled for a release date of 18th December, 2015. And after that there's a new one every five minutes (not literally). Also, unlike the football, it won't end prematurely 40 minutes in. We assume.
5. Prayer might not save a football team, but it works
Remember, you have access to an all-powerful super-being who genuinely listens to your requests for the changes you want to see in the world. What's more, prayer has been scientifically proven to make you feel better.
4. It's the summer!
A time of holidays (for some people), ice-cream (for most people) and children roaming the streets (everywhere). Assuming the recent clement weather remains for a little longer, you can look forward to a season of barbecues, long evenings, and perhaps even the occasional park kick about. Recreate Luis Suarez's memorable brace of goals for yourself! Too soon?
3. We're really serious about this God thing
If you sometimes feel empty, then remember your life has a meaning. You are part of something infinitely more interesting than a once-every-four-years football tournament (really).
"The biggest mess up? Not forgiving each other's mess-ups."
That's right Stevie G. Come home, all is forgiven.
and of course...
1. England aren't *technically* out of the World Cup yet...
Alright, if we must... If England hammer Costa Rica and Italy beat everyone, then maybe, just maybe England will make it though to the second round as the luckiest losers ever. But please, don't allow yourself to pin too much on that little scenario. As John Cleese's character famously says in the movie Clockwise:
"It's not the despair, Laura. I can take the despair. It's the hope I can't stand."
Martin Saunders is an author, screenwriter and creative director at Youthscape. Follow him on Twitter @martinsaunders